Love and Beyond !

What makes us fall in love with another person? Do we do so for fulfilling our desire or is it love for the other.

Let's go back to a basic fact. What is love? No point in looking up a dictionary, ask yourselves whether you love your partner or spouse for yourself or for them.

Is your love over powering to the extent that you are prepared to overlook your own needs prior to that of your partner? If so, then you are on the right track or else you need to assess yourself.

I would like to break-up love into three segments:
1. Physical
2. Spiritual
3. Emotional

Physical attraction is the first point of any relationship. It is the catalyst which induces the desire to culminate and bind a relationship. However the greatest drawback here is that the longevity of such an attraction comes with a rather rapid expiry period. In certain cases a few months and the more fortunate enjoy it for a few years. Many relationships cease to exist at this point and each tend to move on either amicably or bitterly.

Spiritual bonding is a factor most couples tend to disregard, either it is ritualistically performed or is non-existent. God should be the center point of any relationship. Merging of our spiritual being with a spouse could be the cornerstone of a successful relationship.

Emotional rapport is nothing but being sensitive to each other's feelings. Respect each other's space and allow each to have some 'Me' time. Trust me it does wonders for the relationship.

Now that we have examined certain aspects of love, let's get to the most important point which generally make or break a relationship.

How much do you love your partner? Do you put self before or after? Let me explain further.

We all love ourselves without any doubt, there is no person in existence who can claim that they hate themselves. Now that we have clarity on that, let us quickly move to the second part, do we love our partner less, on par or more than ourselves?

Truthfully ask yourself this question. Because if you love less, then your relationship is on shaky ground and may or may not withstand the test of time.

Loving on par is a better situation but the possibilities of it slipping a shade or two lower as time elapses is a strong possibility.

However loving more is a unique state, and ensures the relationship blooms and thrives irrespective of time or situations.

Of course some may argue that this could also lose its sheen over the years and a relationship ends up being ritualistic and pedestrian. I don't dispute this argument, but if we are focused on loving our partner more than ourselves, then no challenge or obstacles will be big enough to overcome.

This aspect of love fascinated me for a long time and I even wrote a novel 'Love without Boundaries' about two people deeply in love and the challenges they faced.

Ayesha and Vihaan the two protagonists display a love only reserved for a chosen few. Try to fall into that category as there is nothing more satisfying than a successful relationship.

I strongly advice young budding lovers to read this book, as it moots a theory which if applied, could change your lives forever.

Why are marriages not made in heaven?

What is marriage? Various definitions are available to explain marriage, like a bond, social contract, union, relationship recognized by law etc.

All the above are book definitions of marriage, but in my opinion marriage is ‘A merger of mind and body between two consenting adults for a lifetime relationship’.

At this point the definition of relationship plays a pivotal role in my definition. I particularly like the explanation by Dr. Dan Ardebili.

“If you break down the word Re-la-tion-ship: Taking a journey on a ship with your partner and learning how to relate to one another. It is a journey to relate or learn from each other and from everything around you. You are taking this life journey together, creating magic moments and working through the hard or tough times, and most importantly growing stronger together”.

So it is a life-long journey as defined and expected by society and planned by God. But how many of us actually fulfill these obligations. A marriage is supposed to create lifetime magic moments, but sadly no longer. Divorces are on the rise, separations are common, extra marital affairs are now in fashion.

These trends are disturbing and the sacred marriage concept is in danger. We now have ‘live in relationships, children out of wedlock, single parent etc. things which were literally unheard of decades ago.

Today lots of marriages are besotted with numerous issues. Why does this happen? Are there solutions in sight? Is there a fool-proof formula to prevent failures? Is it possible for two individuals to give a lifelong commitment to each other? Can they learn to sacrifice and compromise for a life time? Can the passion be kept alive for a long period?

Well two individuals who sometimes till a year back were complete strangers suddenly find themselves living together, sharing, answerable to each other etc. This could become a shock factor once the initial euphoria is over.

Until each partner loves the other more than himself or herself no marriage will be a successful. Give each other their individual space, respect each other are the other factors which could help a marriage become stronger.

We grew up hearing the phrase “Marriages are made in heaven”, a phrase no doubt created by man to appease doubting individuals about marriage. But in today’s scenario how relevant is it? The more we think about it, we realize that the fact of the matter is that ‘Marriages may not be made in heaven’

God created the concept of marriage with a purpose in mind, have we fulfilled his expectations? A question we should ask ourselves.

A Divorce Invitation!

   

I was reading the morning newspaper when my wife peeped over the top trying to get my attention.

‘Do you remember the Jones?’

‘Nope, who are they?’

‘We attended their elder son’s wedding a few years ago, can’t you remember anything?’

‘Aah ok. What about them now?’

‘Their second son is getting married and we got an invitation. We must attend considering their disappointment with the elder son.’

‘Why, what happened?’

‘He got divorced?’

‘How come? I thought it was a love marriage.’

‘Well not only his, but two other weddings we attended the same year ended in divorce.’

I put down the newspaper, my mind whirring like a machine, ‘Why don’t they inform the same people who took the trouble of attending their wedding about their separation too. After all we prayed and wished them well, we should be informed that our prayers and wishes went unanswered.’

My wife gave me a withering look, ‘Now don’t come up with another so-called brilliant idea of yours.’

I watched her strut off, but my mind was now spinning like a top. We make such an effort to attend a wedding, spend money, sacrifice valuable time and when things don’t work out between the couple, we don’t even get a ‘Sorry’ card.

Every couple who separates within five years should follow a certain etiquette. For the last time they should again walk down the aisle together, lawyers from both sides to be present and in the presence of all, they should sign the divorce papers, return the gifts they received and walk away separately, marking the end of their marriage as well as announcing to the world about their single status.

Of course returning the gifts is a little far-fetched, but a sorry to each guest about things not working out should be mandatory. And of course both should foot the cost of the ‘Divorce Invitation.’

And how do we benefit? Oh we get a free meal this time without paying anything for it! Yeahhhhhhh!

I wonder how many couples would have the courage to do this. Usually a divorce is a painful and stressful experience, and can result in couples going through depression or even contemplating suicide.

Why not treat this concept as a strategy to give courage and moral support to the separated couple with a touch of humour, which could also ensure that divorced couples actually don’t end up hating each other.

It makes little sense for couples who had vowed to love each other for eternity, to suddenly end up as enemies for a lifetime.

Food for Thought!